


Suicide dogs

by Little_teddybear, Writing babystay (Little_teddybear)



Series: Skz appreciation stories [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Intimacy, Mental Health Issues, Non-Sexual Intimacy, References to Drugs, Romance, Stargazing, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-07-23 04:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20002132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_teddybear/pseuds/Little_teddybear, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_teddybear/pseuds/Writing%20babystay
Summary: You saved me that day from the bridge and somehow we kept convincing each other we're different than the rest, we actually care, but what about you? Why don't you need Saving when all you seem to do is safe me?My Hyunjin appreciation storyThis contains references to suicidal and depressed feelings, please be cautious when reading and don't read where marked unsafe.





	1. Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER!  
> This has references to depression and descriptions of suicidal thoughts and contains attempts of suicide. If this is triggering or you're uncomfortable with this, please only read where there are no warnings.
> 
> This chapter is safe

It was enough, it had been too much, for weeks. I couldn't do anything though, not until July 12th. That was the perfect date. All school and work stress would have been gone, all would be good and the summer air would take me with her, drown out my existence and make me disappear. No one would care, no one would even look at my body, so I made it easier for them. Drowning was said to be the most peaceful way to die, that's what they say at least, if so, at least one thing about my existence would be peaceful. My ending.

And now I'm here, on the bridge, staring over the river. The summer wind blew the hair out of my face and the water stood calm, but still had a heavy current. I breathed in the last bit of oxygen I would take. I remembered a time when I was younger, water was stuck in my lungs after a pool fight. The next time I could breathe, it felt sweet like the air had sugar in it. I failed to feel like that ever again. Did it have to do with being happy? Back then, when I smiled effortlessly without faking it or hiding behind it. I was truly happy.

I gripped the railing and swayed my left leg over it, and then me right. I still held onto the railing, now staring directly at the water. It was real, I was going to do this. I breathed out, allowing my breath to be taken away by the wind, still softly brushing over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and loosened my grip. 

It was real. 

And then I felt a hand holding my wrist in prevention of my fall. Another arm snaked around waist, holding tightly onto me. I gasped and let out a scream, causing a few birds to fly away from their hiding spot in the trees. After the flapping had faded in the distance, it grew silent again, peaceful. I looked down at the water and realized why I was here. I started struggling to get out of the grip of the person behind me, but they wouldn't let me go. Instead, I felt the two arms shift and lift me up and place me behind the railing. I turned around and pushed the person away. The tall buy stumbled a bit back, holding his hands up in defence. His hair fell for his eyes and he shook it away with a small motion moving his head. His brown eyes revealed under his fluffy dark hair and ice filled my lungs.

His eyes spoke the same sadness I had felt the last couple of years. The same sadness I felt right now. I took a small step back, so that the railing pressed against my back and I gripped it with both my hands. I tilted my head, looking up to him. For a moment we just stared at each other, awkwardly, before I spoke up. 'Why did you save me?' 'It seemed as though you were falling, so I thought you might need saving.' He didn't move, just stood there with his hands loosely hanging against his sides. 'Ever thought I might not want to be saved?' 'Ever thought you might die?' 'Ever thought I might wanna die?' 'Ever thought you would regret it?' 

His body looked lifeless and hurt, but he stepped forward with much anger and passion it made me step backwards, but there wasn't any room to do so. I lost my balance and nearly fell backwards, until he grabbed my waist. It made me fall on him instead and we fell on the ground. A scream left my mouth and immediately pulled my body off of his. He sighed and I crawled back as fast as I could, leaning my back against the railing and pulling my knees up to my chest. I looked over at him, hair fallen back over his eyes again, but this time he didn't bother to brush it away. I lowered my gaze and focused on my knees. 'I'm sorry, are you okay?' His side fell awfully silent and I looked up to look into his rather strange gaze, one I had never held before. 'Why are you apologizing? I pulled you back to me, it was my fault not yours.' His voice seemed soft and butterfly like, dreamy. He wasn't consumed by emotion anymore and that was obvious to see.

That was when I noticed the black car on the side of the road, in the midst of our chaos, and as though adding to it, having the door of the driver's seat still open. He didn't even seemed worried about his car, but I knew no one would come to this bridge. It's somewhere in the woods, a place where no one would look. No one would come to find me here, this place wasn't important enough to think of. I felt like it fit me, peaceful and quiet, deserted and abandoned. Alone. Somehow, the longer the boy was in my presence, the more I thought he might be fitted in this place too. Maybe we were both fucked up. 

'I don't know... I just... Apologizing felt like the right thing to do.' He shook his head. 'Don't.' It came out as a soft whisper he'd blow along with the soft breeze touching my skin. He shifted and resituated next to me, against the railing that's supposed to keep people from falling in the water. It just felt like yet another barrier I had to break. He sat close enough for me to hear him think, yet kept his distance, as though I could break.

There was an awkward silence between us at first, neither of us knew what to do and what to say, but that was fine. It didn't matter as much. I heard his soft breaths leave his lips and nose every so often, but I didn't dare to look at him. It felt like ages had past when he finally spoke up. 'I do that too.' 'Do what?' 'Accesively apologizing.' Then it went silent again. 'I heard it is a symptom of mental abuse.' He eventually added. I looked up at him and caught him looking at me. That last bit hit me hard. I wasn't mentally abused, was I?

I sighed. 'You know more about me without knowing my name then most people in my life care to know.' He chuckled. 'What if I'm one of those who don't care? I just know you.' 'That's a defence mechanism. Acting like you don't care. Why did you save me from the bridge?' He took a second to answer, looking away from me. 'Because I would save myself.' His answer eventually sounded. So many emotions went through me, so many questions struck me. Curiosity of whether he was like me, sadness because he seemed broken, anger because he saved me and annoyance because I didn't want to be saved. I felt trapped, closed off in the conversation. It was heavy and pressed on me. I couldn't move, couldn't breath. I couldn't escape.

'You're about like all the people in my life. You don't know anything about me and you don't care to know.' 'Who says I don't care?' He sighed. 'Don't try. It won't work.' 'What's your name?' He sighed again. 'Are you really doing this?' He seemed annoyed, but I didn't care. 'What's your name.' 'Hyunjin.' A softer silence fell, one in which I switched to see him. He looked up at me and let out a scoff along with an awry smile, pulling one corner of his mouth up. His lips were pinkish red, plump and soft looking, his cheeks slightly puffy and his once sad, brown eyes now held a sparkle of some kind I couldn't quite decipher. He looked extremely attractive and for some reason, it hadn't occurred to me before. 

He looked away rather soon, though he wasn't scared to hold my gaze. He seemed careless, nonchalant and frankly a bit sceptical. 'Oh, and now it's that time where you try to get to know me, break through my' barriers', I'll somehow let you, we fall for each other and we have our fucked up happy ending, isn't it?' His voice held ridicule as he spoke. I chuckled. 'No, actually, I just want to show you I'm not like the others. I do care to know more about you, and I know your name, which is more than most people we both know.' Another scoff, but this time less annoyed. He seemed amused, however, still didn't want to look at me. He watched his car, whom still had a door open and the lights turned on because of it. Slowly, it went out, leaving a dark and sad picture before us. 'Go ahead.' 'Mmh?' 'Go ahead, get to know me then.' 'Mmh.' 'We'll see how long you last here.'

We still were seated in the same place, silent. By now, the birds had found their way back to their hiding spot in the trees. I sighed and leaned my head against the fence-like railing. 'What do you do for a living?' He let out a loud laugh, one that you only let out when being told a good joke, or when spending time with your best friend. 'All this time to come up with a question and you ask the most awkward and basic question? Way to go proving you're different.' 'Yeah, well I don't know what to ask you! I don't know anything about you, so I don't know how far I can go.' 'Shoot me. Explore my boundaries then. Or would you rather stay at the sidewalk "safely"?' He held his hands up and put airquotes aroing the word safely. I was taken aback by his Statement and held my breath. He was right. I grabbed my courage and crawled closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I felt hiss weight shift to the other side slightly, his head bowing down to presumably look at me and raise his hand to pet my head twice, awkwardly. 'Is this too close?' I asked, already knowing the answer, but to my surprise, he stayed silent, keeping his hand on my head. 'Why are you still here?' 'Well currently, it's because of an annoying girl who keeps on talking to me.' I removed my head from his shoulder and stared at him with utter shock on my face. He laughed lightly at my expression. 'Well, if you think I'm so annoying, maybe you should've let me drown.' He chuckled. His before so sad eyes spoke amusement and maybe even slight joy. 'Yeah, maybe I should have.' He said.

It struck me. I couldn't believe he said that. He seemed the only one to care, and he just let it go so easily. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was like all the rest. I looked away from his eyes and got up. I turned to face the bridge again, but mid-turn, he pulled my wrist, making me fall on my knees. He pressed my head against his chest, keeping his hand over my ear. 'Don't fucking do it.' His voice turned low again. His other hand wandered to my waist, pulling me closer in a hug. He leaned his head against mine. A second later he let go of me. 'Sorry, I didn't - I'm sorry.' 

He looked down at his hands. He looked sad, as if hurt and couldn't help but think he might have been scolded over being affectionate. I shook my head, though he couldn't see it and leaned closer to him, burying my head in his chest, holding onto his shirt. 'It's fine.' Now it was my turn to be surprised he apologized.

'Why were you here? No one ever comes here.' 'I know, which is exactly why I'm here. I needed the peace.' He wrapped his arms around my waist, talking into my hair. 'Sometimes peace is nice.' I let go and sighed. Silence surrounded us. 'Maybe you are different than the others.' He finally spoke up and I Laughed. 'I told you so.' 'Hey, don't get cocky now, I said maybe.' He laughed. 'Well perhaps is maybe enough for me. For now.' 


	2. Safe

Being safe meant to be secure, away from all danger. It meant that nothing could hurt you, nothing could bother or harm you. Nothing could get to you. But even if we are, even if nothing can get to us, hurt us, are we safe from our minds too? 

I was always told I was safe, nothing could hurt me, but why do I feel this way then? Why does every inch of my skin burn, even when I'm not on fire. Why does my head hurt, even when I didn't hit it. Why does my nose bleed, even if I didn't fall. Why can't I be safed from my mind? 

We stayed there - in our spot on the bridge - sitting in each other's silence. His arms were around my waist and his breath left in my hair. Only the occasional flapping of bird wings was heard, but even they decided to go silent, just like the wind had. Even the soft breeze had disappeared. I knew I would be able to hear the current, but pressed against his chest, I could only hear his heartbeat and suddenly I felt safe. 

Thoughts didn't cross my mind and it felt like I could breathe. For a moment I forgot why we were here and I let myself drown in his arms instead of the water, like I first hoped I would. 

And then I remembered. 

A drop of some kind fell on my face and I looked up to look at his closed eyes. His eyelashes weren't wet, meaning that it wasn't his tear. I felt my eyes, hoping I hadn't spilled any emotion. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I realized it wasn't from me either and he looked up. 

'I think it's starting to rain. Do you want to get in my car?' He asked as though it were nothing. Getting into a stranger's car. Yep, how bad could that end I wonder. I looked at him, contemplating on what I could do. 'Look, if you're not getting in, be my guest. You're a stranger after all.' I laughed it off, unwrapping my arms from his body and I watched him get up and move to his car. He sat down in the already opened car in the driver's seat and closed the door. He had left the motor on and as he closed the door, the light switched on again. I could see him being focused on some stuff in his car, pressing and turning some buttons before looking over at me. I sat down still, now with my back pressed against the fence like railing. I pulled my knees up to my chest, still holding his gaze. 

He snickered in his car, now placing his arm over the front seat and leaning over so he could look at me. His brown eyes stood warm, amused but still hurt. He was still in pain, but he felt better for some reason and I couldn't help but hope I was that reason. I watched as his plump lips curled up in a smile, lovingly pink. It had started raining more heavily now and my hair got wetter, dripping down onto my chest and waist. He looked down to reach over and I saw the window roll down. 'Are you coming in?' 'I haven't decided yet!' I yelled back at him. He replied with a single nod and leant back onto the front seat. He still had his eyes on me, the same amused look on his face and I still sat there, with my arms over my knees, letting the rain fall on me. 

I was scared to get in the car with him. I didn't know what he would do. I wasn't scared that he would kill me, after all, the whole reason as to why I'm on this bridge now, is because I wanted to kill myself. He wouldn't kill me, he saved me. No, I was scared of not being safe. I felt safe in his embrace, but that didn't meant he was safe. I didn't want my bubble to pop, having my fantasy ruined. I just didn't want to get hurt. Again.

'Are you sure you're not coming in?' 'I thought you didn't care!' He stayed silent at this, looking down and an expressin showing he was thinking appeared on his face. 'I still don't care!' 'Then why do you want me to get in your car!' With that, he opened the door of his car and ran over to me, keeping his head down to hopefully shield himself from the rain, but failed at it. He crouched down in front of me, grabbing my hands and tried to pull me up. I could feel how warm his hands are and they felt nice. I suddenly didn't want anything else but to hold them, but instead I pulled my hands away and shook my head. He sighed and reached for under my knees and behind my back so he could pick me up and carry me to his car. He opened the backseat and dropped me in his car, just to walk around the car and stopping at the driver's seat. He hesitated watching me but then decided to go with the backseat instead. Now it was my turn to be amused about his action. A smile curled up my lips and I pulled my knees up to my chest 

Hyunjin opened the door and sat down, finally. He looked at my feet and pushed them off of the couch like seat. 'Careful with my car.' He said strictly, putting emphasis on the word careful. I laughed at him. 'Why?' 'Because she's my baby.' 'She? Mmh sorry, didn't know you were dating your car.' I responded, taking off my shoes and instead of putting my feet back on the seat, I now dropped them on his lap. He gave a similar look as he just yet gave me, but now looking down at me feet. 'You said not on your baby, so I suppose you'd like to take the stuff you don't want to bother your girlfriend with?' I had a knowing smile on my face, now tilting my head slightly. 'I would take a bullet for my girlfriend but I think your feet are too much.' 'I didn't know you actually had a girlfriend.' 'I don't, but considering someone would actually love me and want to be with my, I think I should keep her safe. Although I think she can handle your feet on her own.' He said, pushing my feet off of his lap. I laughed at his expression and the smile plastered on his face made his eyes grow into small crescents. 

And somehow his smile made me feel safe again.

I could feel my hands tingle and I realized the temperature in the car was much higher than that of outside. It felt nice and it made sense now why Hyunjin's hands were so warm. His hands. I felt the need to hold them again, but I felt scared again. Wouldn't that be weird? Maybe. I tried not to think of it anymore. 'You haven't answered my question yet.' At that he looked up at me, curious. 'What question?' 'If you don't care, why did you wanted me to be in your car so badly?' I smirked at him, but he didn't show any sign of defeat. 'Because it's easier than stay to scream. You wanted to ask me questions and I don't want to hurt my throat trying to answer them.' 'You don't have to answer them.' 'I'm a gentleman, that's what we do.' He returned the smirk and stretched out his arms to reach for my hoodie and pulled me closer to his chest. 'You're like a little ball of annoyance.' He whispered, humming and holding me closer. 'What is that supposed to mean?' 'Nothing much, just that you're annoying.' He giggled against my hair. I cuddled up closer to his chest. 'Maybe you should have just let me drown. No company is better than your company.' 'Yeah, maybe I should have.' His voice sounded dreamy again, the same buttergly like voice he spoke with earlier when we fell. After that, it had gone quiet. The soft sound of the radio that was turned on in the front filled the tiny space that was just big enough for our personalities.

I searched his chest seeking his heartbeat again, but I didn't find it anymore. I slightly panicked and looked up to have him look down on me, eyes filled with something soft. His nostrils flared a bit open whenever he took a breath and I sighed. He was alive. 

He was alive. 

'Are you being abused?' It took a little while for him answer and I could see his eyes change back to cold. I knew I had screwed up, but he still nodded. 'In what way?' 'I'm every way.' He said, looking down again but not facing me. 'Are you okay?' My instinct asked, and I mentally hit myself. He obviously wasn't okay. He shook his head, darkness and negativity overflowing his eyes now and guilt built up in my stomach. 'I'm sorry, I went to far, didn't I?' He sighed. 'I brought it upon myself now, didn't I?' He simply replied. He was right, but it still wasn't okay and I felt out of place. I wasn't abused or so I like to think. I knew he should talk to someone about it and it would be good, but I wasn't sure if I was the right person. I can't give him any help or advice. I can only listen. But what if that's all he needs? 

'What are your parents like?' He scoffed. 'I don't know. I loved them when I was younger, but as I grew older, they became more and more like strangers to me. It hurts sometimes, being alone.' 'Don't you live with your parents anymore?' 'No, I ran away from home. I live in a house that the real estate just can't get to sell, and no one knows I'm there. Mostly I'm in my car, driving around, at college or work.' It was heartbreaking hearing him say all this and I couldn't understand how people could drive their kid to do something like this. He seemed really hurt and so I cuddled up closer to him. 'You're not alone. I'm right here.' I said and I half expected him to come back with a slight insult, but he didn't. Instead be pulled my head closer to his chest and placed his head on mine. Near sobs left his mouth and so I pulled his head up and placed inbetween my palms to look into my eyes. 

His eyes were filled with tears but none of them had spilled yet and he gave me a helpless look I already knew I would never forget. 'It's okay to be hurt. That happens and it's okay to grief about the things that hurt you, but I hope you know you're safe. You'll be okay, I know that. Maybe we should continue this another time.' I smiled at him and hoped it was enough, but I couldn't read his expression when he nodded and let go of me. He rested his arm in the door and stared ahead of him. 'Another time?' He eventually asked. I nodded. 'Do you think I'm leaving you alone?' He looked down and opened his mouth to take his lip inbetween his teeth and release it again. 'Thank you.' He whispered. 'I... Hope you know you're safe too.'


	3. Car

He stayed silent, too silent. The darkness was back again and it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I needed his amused look and ridicule tone back. His face was focused on the road and his hands were tightly gripped around the steering wheel. His knuckles were white and his jaw clenched. He looked mad for some reason. And I understood.

After the abuse question, we stayed in the backseat quite shortly and after a small 'I need to drive', we crawled into the front seat and after that, he didn't speak a word. We had been driving for hours now. My mother had called once, but after not responding, she stopped. I knew she would call be back later. I left the house saying I'd be gone for a long time, she knew I'd be gone and I don't really think she'd care if I wouldn't come home tonight.

His radio was turned off eventually and we drove in silence, again, but now penetrating, eary and deafening silence. It kept me thinking, about everything. Did I do something wrong? Yes. Had u hurt him? Yes. Did I deserve to be in his car right now? No. I couldn't stop it. He saved me and kept me from the rain and this was what I gave him in return. I gave him pain and hurt, I reminded him of people he didn't want to be reminded of and I made him feel angry. I wanted to cry, but I knew that if I would, he would contain his anger and turn annoyed, wanting to comfort me, but still being pressed in the inside. This wasn't about me, I didn't need to be such a bitch about it. 

Another silent minute had passed until he suddenly stopped. He parked his car in a huge parkinglot that was nearly entirely empty. It belonged to a construction place of some kind and when I looked outside - which was what I not had been doing, I was staring at my hands - I saw that the sun was setting. The sky formed a beautiful colidoscope of colour ranging from blue to pink and red. I was too focused on the sky to notice that Hyunjin had gotten out of the car and walked around it to open my car. He stared at me and I looked back at him in surprise. 'Oh ehm.... Thanks Hyunjin.' I gave him a smile and leant to the side take off my seatbelt and got out of the car. He closed the door behind me. 

'Thank you.' I said and he nodded. The he grabbed my hand, catching me off guard and pulled me along with him. We ran across the area to finally walk along a side of water that laid next to a street. On the other side of the street, there were houses and although the idea was really nice, I could see why the seventh house we passed and eventually entered couldn't be sold. The houses looked sketchy and some houses had wooden planks covering their doors and windows, already spray painted with graffiti. Yet I didn't feel unsafe, I felt warm and somewhat surprised by all of it.

We got in the house and he pulled my arm to go upstairs immediately. I didn't see the scenery, apart from a small living area and that it seemed as though everything was made out of wood. The room he pulled me in was small, big enough for the few boxes he had put ontop of each other and created a desk with where a laptop was. He had a kitchen chair as deskchair and a mattress on the floor. The room showed the water we just walked passed, covered by loosely hanging, white, see through curtains. The moon was visible and I couldn't stop staring at her.

I felt him pull my waist down and I landed on his lap. His chin fell in the crook of my neck and his arms pulled me closer to him. I gasped and looked at him as good as I could. 'I just need to hold you for a moment.' He added and I nodded. He needed his time to be okay again and if I could help him with that, I didn't want anything more. His faze nuzzled in my neck and I could feel his breath gently on my skin. 

We stayed there for a few minutes before he slightly pushed me off of his lap and onto the mattress. He just stared at me for a moment and then snapped himself out of it. Placing his hands behind his back, so that he could lean on them and he stared at the ceiling. His entire body heaved up and down whenever he took a breath and he looked beautiful like this. I took out my phone and took a picture of him, catching him off guard. I giggled softly at his confused expression and took another one. 'Hey!' He play yelled and leant over to grab my phone from my hands, but I backed down, still giggling. He started laughed too and held my body down on the mattress, having my hands pinned down above my head. He was focused on getting the phone out of my hands and when he succeeded, a twinkle in his eye formed, along with a smile that curled up. He looked down, back at me. He stared at me as though I was something he'd never seen before. 

His eyes sparked like they had before and the amusement was replaced my amazement and excitement. His lips looked now red, penetrating red. Before I knew it, they were on mine. He was everywhere. In my hair, on my cheeks, on my lips and for the first time in a long time, deep in my chest. He had made his way into my heart and I had realized this when his lips started moving more, wanting to come inside and I gave him the acces. His body felt so close pressed on mine and his scent was all over me. 

He let go to breathe. I didn't want anything else but pull him back, but he felt seemingly bad about his choice. He shot up and looked anywhere but at me. 'I ehm... Im so sorry, I should've asked you first.' He whispered inaudibly. 'Hyunjin-' 'I know, I'm sorry and I shouldn't have -' 'Hyunjin.' Now he did look at me. 'I'm sorry if I screwed things up.' He said finally. I smiled apologetically before sitting back up. 'You didn't screw things up and I'm still here.' I replied before kissing his cheek. His eyes widened and I quickly covered my face in embarrassment. 

I felt his hands on mine, removing them. He looked me in the eye, a sweet sparkle appearing in his eyes. His lips moved, breathing in and motioned as though talking, but he stopped himself, allowing his breath to hitch in his throat. He sighed softly, and let a smile creep up his face. He didn't look at me anymore, but rather outside now. The moonlight still shined on the small lake and it painted a beautiful picture. I wanted to turn around, however he stopped me in my tracks, turning my head with his hands still left on my cheek. He had beautiful eyes, yet somehow it had specks of red in them, dark as his mind. And somehow I didn't believe that. I couldn't, no didn't want to believe that someone like Hyunjin could have such dark thoughts. His past had been hard on him, and he tries his hardest, but it shows. And for the first time today, it didn't. 'Why does it feels like I've known you since forever?' He finally opened his mouth again. His smile grew and his thumb rolled over my cheek when I felt my cheeks heat up and I looked down. 'I told you so I cared?' He hummed, not surprised at my answer, Why did I want to be different so badly? I thought of his past. He wasn't loved, maybe he needed love? Maybe he needed someone to care? And maybe he finally got that person... 

'You need someone to love, don't you?' He looked odly at me, his look giving away what I already knew. He stopped for a bit and then shook his head.

'Nevermind.'

He sighed in response, leaning his back against the wall as he sat next to me. Silence spoke again, creating a thin veil inbetween us, woven from all our words left unspoken. The moon shone inside the room, drawing figures I wouldn't have guessed could be formed from the objects they came from. There was a storm going on inside of him, I could tell when I looked into his brown eyes. 

His mood seemed to be able to jump from one to the other without even so much as slight hesitation or incubation. He felt and I hadn't experienced that in a while. I wanted to speak again, but I didn't know how to, what to say to not upset him, hurt him. Somehow, when he smiled, I hope it was because of me and ideally, I would say all the right things to make him smile and forget his own little world. But I wasn't her, she was someone else I would never be. A small part of me wondered then, why did he kiss me? No, his own conflict showed me, he needed someone to love. I just was here now.

But I was here now. 

I stared at the moon again, outside. I couldn't bear seeing him like this, so I decided not to watch and even though I knew this is what everyone did, he didn't seem to care. He was too caught up in his own tug of war to notice mine, unlike me. But... Did I really? It didn't matter as the moon lit up all the darkness around itself, illuminating all my dark thoughts... Or so it seemed. 

'Do you want to see her?' Wait what? 'The moon, I mean.' A sigh of something I wasn't sure I was relieved of left my lips and I looked back at him. I nodded. 'I already see her.' He snickered cutely and shook his head. 'I mean, from close.' My eyes grew bigger. It struck me, closer would mean higher and I wasn't sure I could handle that. 'Do you mean, on a rooftop or something?' He nodded, now tilting his head slightly to try to understand what was bothering me so much. And then it clicked. 

'No worries, I'll be there so nothing can happen.' He smiled but it didn't calm me down. 'You know, you're still a stranger to me.' 'I know.' 'So... Yeah.' 'So... Yeah let's do it.' I shook my head furiously. 'Why not? What's the worst that can happen?' 'I could fall?' 'Just like you would do if you were to jump from a bridge.' I sighed. He was right. But that wouldn't make me less scared.

'Look, I know it's silly, but I just get really dizzy and panicked when I'm on a higher spot.' 'Then I'll hold your hand.' He said as if it were nothing. I have him a look. He couldn't be serious. 'You're a stranger remember? You don't care about me, or claim not to do so.' I quirked up an eyebrow, but he grabbed my hand to help me up.

'Come on, let's go to the roof.' A sting pointed in my stomach and my eyes wandered over his arm which he extended towards me, up to his face where my eyes found his. He smiled sweetly in an attempt to comfort me. Somehow his eyes sparkled bright enough for me to believe him. I was safe with him, what did I have to loose? 

I was safe with him... Was I?

I shrugged the thought off, it's okay. Even if something were to happen, I would be okay. After tonight was over, I'd be okay, happily in the water. I would have no breaths left to take and no heartbeat left to beat. I would be okay. But for tonight I had nothing to loose. For tonight I grabbed his hand and for tonight I followed him up the stairs, to the rooftop. I'd be okay, we'd be okay.


End file.
